This post initially appeared on LearnVest.

We reactivated my online dating profile a few months ago.

For the part that is most, the pickings had been bleak, but I became experiencing giddy about my very first date with a young child psychiatrist. At 36, he had been merely a younger than i am year. We’d exchanged a couple of flirty texts, and, just by his photos, he had been simply my type—tall, healthy and handsome, with this bald-head-and-beard appearance that makes me swoon.

I checked his profile again to look for things we might talk about before we met for coffee. We saw that he practices tai chi every single day. (Good one. I’m in the center of A bikram yoga challenge that is 30-day.) He likes publications on healing and spirituality practices. (Another score. I’m reading guide about mindfulness and despair.) But then, there clearly was something which I hadn’t noticed before: He’d listed his income as somewhere within $250,000 and $500,000. (Uh-oh. I’m a freelance editor and writer, and mine is … well, nowhere near that.)

My heart sank. There are many ladies who just date dudes with salaries when you look at the high six-figures, but I’m not one particular ladies. Actually, my mom chastises me personally for dating men of modest means. And, to be truthful, meeting some guy whom makes into the high-six-figure range makes me think, “Oh, he’s out of my league.”

Instantly, I happened to be fixated from the known undeniable fact that this guy obtained significantly more than i did so.

To share with … or to not inform

Still reeling through the surprise of seeing the psychiatrist’s income, we began to wonder: Should you record your revenue online? Does it allow you to be more—or less—desirable in the event that you upload a number that is certain? Is it better simply to steer clear of the issue that is whole hold back until the partnership gets severe to talk about it?

Really, i did son’t think I’d been attempting to hide any such thing when I’d left the wage category back at my profile that is own blank but seeing my date’s quantity made me sheepish about my own earnings (about $60,000 per year)—and happy that I experiencedn’t revealed it.

Gina Stewart, an on-line coach that is dating ExpertOnlineDating , states that my wage shame is unfounded. “Most men don’t seem to care quite the maximum amount of in what a female makes just as much as ladies care just what guys make,” claims Stewart. “Men just want a female that is effective something that is doing. I’ve yet to see a guy discount heading out with a lady for him. because she makes way too much or otherwise not enough”

However the statistics suggest otherwise. A study because of the dating website AYI found that ladies who suggest they generate upward of $150,000 are likely become contacted by a guy. Likewise, men whom state they earn much more than $150,000 have actually the chance that is greatest of hearing from a lady. (Stats on interactions between same-sex online daters are harder to come across.)

For a few, governing out feasible matches predicated on their earnings means being practical, maybe not shallow.

Alix Abbamonte is really a 33-year-old freelance publicist in nyc. In past times several years, she’s made several online profiles—on OkCupid, Tinder, Match and eHarmony—none of which may have revealed her (variable) income. Day still, she always checks to see the salary of potential mates and uses that information to determine if she will give a guy the time of. “once I read that a guy is making just $60,000, I am switched off,” she claims. In terms of $50,000 or less? “Absolutely perhaps perhaps not.”

Having said that, Abbamonte generally speaking does believe a guy n’t as he states he makes over $200,000, because there isn’t in whatever way to validate that individuals are giving accurate estimates of the income. In reality, a 2010 OKCupid report discovered that 20% of their users stated they made additional money themselves seem more appealing than they really did, presumably to make.