24. Are you a desert plant? One of the nasty jokes forher. It was very a-peel-ing. So, before you dive in, grab some snacks and drink to enjoy these dirty minded jokes and abandon all your worries for the moment. How do you know Valentines Day is about to become a religious holiday? . I'm no Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock. ", 50. However, there will be few people who have never committed a single act of naughtiness throughout their lives. You are such a sexy person. Knock Knock,Whos there?Alpha.Alpha Who?Alpha Cure Mom.Knock, knock.Whos there?Jamaican.Jamaican who?Jamaican me horny.Knock, knock.Whos there?Ice cream.Ice cream who?Ice cream all night if youre lucky.Knock, knock.Whos there?May I come in?May I come in who?Not till we have a serious discussion about birth control.Knock, knock.Whos there?Dozer.Dozer who?Dozer the biggest breasts Ive ever seen.Knock, knock.Whos there?Ben. How do you get in trouble on Valentine's Day? Don't worry if you're single. Check out these dirty minded knock knock jokes that will keep everyone guessing. In the spring. 31. A. Your pearly whites. All Rights Reserved. I love you around the clock, I love your body, your mind and your soul, And not just your massive heart. Drinking What did the light bulb say to the switch? 18. Happy our birthday to you. You can always count on me. I was wondering why my feet got cold. Are you a loan? But either way, most people would agree that "funny" isn't exactly the first word they would use to describe February 14. This has no impact on the price you pay :). 16. Why not share these jokes at the end of the day when only the adults are left standing? Why does he always land on the roof? What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?I want you inside me.I bet you cant tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time, a husband says to his wife. One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.You know youre getting old when your wife says, Honey, lets run upstairs and make love,And you answer, I cant do both.Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra.The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.What do a guy and a car have in common?They both have an ability to misfire.Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?Because his wife has passed away. Have you seen all jokes? Im taking this shit to a whole new level.2 men went 2 a callgirl.1st went in and came out n said: Na my wife is better.2nd went in and came out n said: U R right ur wife is much better.What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block?A beaver dam!It goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet. Wanna see where? Im 42 years of age, I literally have to hit it with nettles. "Peas be my Valentine.". How did the tennis ball flirt with the racquet? What am I?Peanut butterIm going out with an English teacher, which is a bit awkward because she keeps correcting my grammar during sex. A hug and a quiche. And Seal doesnt have one at all. If you dont like Valentines Day because its corny how about, instead, we make it porn-y? Sometimes, humor is all about efficiency, and short adult jokes are no exception. Hey, it beats folding. "My heart beats for you. If you are having a tough time while coming up with your own dirty jokes then we would suggest you to, go through the given dirty mind funny jokes for a good giggle. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella. Im training to be an astronaut, and my first mission is to explore Uranus. Funny Videos in YouTube March 9, 2022 You can get an idea from the offered one. 14. You sick weirdo.One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, Please send me a sister. Santa Clause wrote him back, Ok, send me your mother.Whats the best help you can give to a constipating person?Well, scare the shit outta them.Why do walruses love a Tupperware party?Theyre always on the lookout for a tight seal.What did the left nut say to the right nut?Dont talk to the guy in the middle; hes a real dick!A husband says to his wife, I bet you cant tell me something that will make me happy and sad both at the same time.She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, Your p*nis is bigger than your brothers.How is a push-up bra like a bag of chips?Once you open it, you realize its half-empty.What did the clitoris say to the vulva?Its all good in the hood!. That was just an insect. Wow, the boy replies. "Are you up for a little row-mance?" 2. 15. 19. 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side, 155 Best Wedding Jokes to Kick off Your Speech, 160 Hilarious Wife Jokes to Spark Joy in Your Marriage, Short Dirty Jokes That Will Make You Laugh, 150 Hilarious Train Jokes to Engineer Laughs on Your Face, 150 Hilarious Tree Jokes to Fresh Your Mind, 152 Hilarious Wine Jokes to Make Conversation More Enjoyable, 151 Hilarious Tomato Jokes That Are So Juicy. 10. Keep it real:Valentine's Day questions on love and marriage proposals to ask, Better than chocolate:20 best Valentine's Day gifts for her. Jim asked his friend, Tony, whether he had bought his wife anything for Valentine's Day. Copyright 2023 O-hand.com. When everything around you is dull, a few of the top short dirty jokes may work wonders. What did the flower say to his unrequited love? (Photo: Shutterstock) By Alex Nelson. 37. Whether it's single people who feel targeted for not being cuffed up or couples who just don't want the pressure, it's the one holiday where some folks vocally take a stand against celebrating. 20. What did one volcano say to the other? Are you in need of some dirty minded jokes? There is no law stating that hilarious jokes must be defined. For the first time in 40 years I didn't get a Valentine's day card from a secret admirer I just don't understand it. A: Her-She Kisses. Required fields are marked *. ", 22. You remind me of a balloon I want to blow you. Id rather taste you. Whats inside me tastes great in your mouth. Lorsque vous utilisez nos sites et applications, nous utilisons des, authentifier les utilisateurs, appliquer des mesures de scurit, empcher les spams et les abus; et. Stealing too many hearts. What am I?TentWhats long and hard when its young and soft and small when its old?A candle.What is the difference between a womans G-spot and a quarter?Men actually have a chance of finding a quarter when they search for it. Couples on Valentine's Day: "Love is in the air.". Your horoscope for March 4, 2023, This is the number of sexual partners the average Brit has had, Doctor explains why some men faint or get nosebleeds when they get an erection, inject a bit of humour into your Valentines Day, How your star sign can find love and who with this Valentines Day, Deliveroo is giving out free starters and desserts this Valentines Day, Do not sell or share my personal information. "I found the perfect match! Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Cute love background. Bleeding Love. Did you hear about the two radios that got married? Why did all the fruit ask the banana to be their Valentine? It is inappropriate to have sex in an elevator. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" How did the vegetable politely ask for a date? Why are artichokes so beloved? Pun Valentine's Day Jokes. They're getting married in the spring! How did one drum tell the other about its feelings? What am I?An elevator. Catch a glimpse of these dirty jokes and gear up yourself for a comfortable laugh. (could be for a friend you love) I'm so glad your mum didn't swallow It doesnt cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night.What do you call an anorexic woman with a yeast infection?A Quarter Pounder with CheeseEvery man has one. ), line up a classic rom-com (or two) to view, and get ready to giggle in the name of super-cheesy, love-themed quips. Then the man got out a bottle of Channel perfume from his pocket and started What's the most romantic ship? Oxygen, carbon dioxide, and nitrogen are in the air.". Whats in store for today? You may suddenly be thinking ol' Cupid was onto something. I can't wait for Valentine's Day because I get to make cupcakes for a special someone and that special someone is me. Lovebugs. $10.00 (30% off) More like this. "That was very kind of you," Jim added, 'I hope she appreciated the thought." Men usually give it to their wives once they are married. What did one boat say to the other? For example, what becomes wetter as things get raunchy? Are you copper and tellurium? Whats the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.What goes in hard and comes out close and wet?Chewing gum.A guy is sitting at the doctors office. Feb 6, 2022 - what may be the world's largest collection of dirty, punny and cheesy Valentine's Day cards. 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side. Im about to eat you like a box of Valentines Day chocolates. Butdirty adult jokes, on the other hand, may be are more acceptable and entertaining pick as you become older. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Valentine's Day 2023:When is the holiday and why do we celebrate it? Corny Valentine's Day pickup. My favorite Valentines candy is a hard lollipop. Accompanied by his sister, he went to the store and bought the gloves. What's a cutesy love term that can also be orange and delicious? VicksterCharm. Is it feasible to have a dirty and humorous joke at the same time? 48. Why does a mermaid wear seashells?Because she outgrew her B-shells!How is sex like a game of bridge?If you have a great hand, you dont need a partner.What do you do when your cats dead?Play with the neighbors pussy instead.What has 148 teeth and holding back a monster?My zipper.What is Moby Dicks dads name?Papa Boner.Whats the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? February 13, 2022 12:42 pm (Updated February 13, 2022 12: . What did the baker say to his wife on V-Day? Fans go wild over moment Kate jokes with Prince William about Six Nation results at St David's Day parade - before affectionately rubbing his arm in a rare PDA He REALLY is Benjamin Button! Im known as a big swinger. 12. A: HalfwayI didnt have sex at all, not a scrap til I was 67. Have a look at the dirty jokes below and dont forget to share them in your circle. ", Check out:175 Bad JokesJokes for KidsChristmas JokesHalloween Jokes101Corny Jokes. 500 Valentine Cards Sent by Desperate Man Mike walked into a post office just before Valentine's day, he couldn't help noticing a middle-aged, balding man standing in a corner sticking "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. Courtship. I'm not rich like Jack, I don't have a mansion like Russell, or I don't have a Porsche like Martin, but I do love you and want to marry you." What kind of flower should you never give on Valentines Day? A guy will actually search for a golf ball!What do you get when you cross a dick with a potato?A dictator!What did the leper say to the sex worker?Keep the tip.Whats long and hard and full of semen?A submarine!How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?Call and tell her about it.Why did the squirrel swim on its back?To keep its nuts dry.What do you call a nurse with dirty knees?The Head nurseWhat is the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?Ones a Goodyear and ones a great year.I am made of either latex or rubber. It can sometimes feel good when I am blown and sometimes, it can be painful. "But why?" She was very a-peel-ing. What are insects called when they're dating? It doesnt cure it but it keeps the sheets off my legs at night.What do a hooker and bungee jump have in common?Unfortunately, if the rubber breaks, you are obviously screwed.A dad tells his son Stop masturbating! Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young sons innocence, the mother turns around and says, Dont worry, dear. 50 Valentine's Day Jokes 1. Sarcastic. You make me feel just like a unicorn - very wild and horny. Adult dirty riddle jokes are some of the most beautifully produced, genuinely laugh-out-loud jokes. What can get you in trouble with the law on Valentine's Day? Al who?Al give you a kiss if you open this door!Knock, knock.Whos there?Ima ReillyIma Reilly who?Ima Reilly excited to see you naked later.Knock, knock.Whos there?Nicholas! Is your name Google? A calendar. 16. What is it?Legs.Most of the time when I go in, I cause some pain. Eric finished his degree in primary education. I love you berry much. 13. Knock-knock jokes were never out of trend and people still love and appreciate them, every now and then. 13. Who the hell runs 8 miles in 30 seconds?I farted at work the other day and my coworker tried opening the window. if you do it too long you will go blind. The son replied Dad, Im over here.A couple gets married, and on their wedding night, the wife asks what a penis is.The husband, surprised, pulls his out.She says, Oh, its like a dick but smaller.What did the sex toy store employee say to the customers before closing for the night?Its time for you to beat it! Valentines Day is the day that the "V" and "D" come together. He found her to be very attractive. A boyfriend asks his girlfriend: Its a holiday, after all. All of his friendships were so pla-tonic. her father asks in shock. I personally am on the fence.What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?Thanks for coming!How does a woman scare a gynecologist?By becoming a ventriloquist. I look back as an adult and I think, Oh, she obviously wanted to empower me to find my own pleasure. It had the exact opposite effect there is no way you can enjoy yourself with a man between your legs if youre thinking, Hmm, Mumd be proud.The only thing I can offer to put ladies at ease is that I am of no sexual threat whatsoever. Whats the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?A guy will actually search for a golf ball.Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with, I cant talk now, Im going into a tunnel.Whats the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping tom?One snatches your watch. Every one of us has probably done something nasty at some point in our lives. A cauliflower! "Crush.". What do you call a blossoming romance in a fish tank? A hug and a quiche. You have to admit there's already quite a bit of humor involved with imagining someone slyly flying all around with talent not only for archery but matchmaking! 2. 1. What did the romantic sing after she got a paper cut? I mostly live in your pants and I am always in your mind, you cannot live without me. ", Related: 100 Unique Valentine's Day Gifts, 26. Vehicle Marry me, I love you. 18. There is no shame in accepting for your bawdy sense of humor and rolling on the floor laughing at R-rated jokes with your buddies. 41. Catch a glimpse of these filthiest dirty minded jokes with answers and make sure to share these dirty riddles for a naughty mind with your friends at the upcoming slumber party and enjoy the night. Were a perfect match! So if you're looking to giggle with a gal pal (or send your sweetie a message), you can use these dirty Valentine's Day jokes as a way to show them what's to come. If youre easily offended these are not for you . Andy.Andy who?And he bit me again!Knock, knock.Whos there? Long-Distance Valentine's Day Planning Can Be Hard, but Here's How to Make It Work, 27 Fun and Sweet Quotes to Send Your Friends on Valentine's Day, Why Are Bots Liking Your Instagram Story? You can donate blood to me anytime since youre just my type. What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?I want you inside me.What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?If we dont get some support, people will think were nuts.What did the guy say when he got caught masturbating to an optical illusion?Its not what it looks like!What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?A private tutor.What is the difference between a prostitute and a 7-year-old?You dont know? "You're choco-late.". Why did the banana go out with the prune? Got a sweetheart this Valentine's Day? Do you know what youd look really beautiful in this Valentines Day? 69 Seriously Dirty Jokes and Memes (That Will Make You Cover Your Eyes) by Eric Russell. Whats 6 inches long, 2 inches broad, and drives ladies insane? Dirty Valentine's one-liners (so cute!) Food Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with pride. I hope you'll wear them Friday night for me." (Sexy voice)Who would you like it to be?Knock, knock.Whos there?Al! Give it to me! she yelled. They whisk you off your feet. How did one Bloody Mary share their strong feelings with another? How to create your own funny website and make money in the comedy sector! What did one Hershey's bar say to the other who arrived long past their date time? asks the man. Required fields are marked *. ", 32. The sister was handed the gloves and the young man got the panties. if you do it too long you will go blind.The son replied Dad, Im over here.A woman walks out of the produce section with bad news.She changed the cucumber into a pickle.What do you do when youre a man trapped in a womans body?You pull out.Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?He only comes once a year.When I was 11, my mum gave me a lecture about cunnilingus. He gave her a ring. Then I would bang you on every piece of furniture at my house.What the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?Ive never let a garbanzo bean on my chest.If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have?Three feet of my cock up your ass.Congratulations! Valentines day is one big scam. Inspirational Usually, I don't recommend dirty talk with a theme. Why didnt the skeleton want to celebrate Valentines Day? What did the paper clip say to the magnet? Have you run out of eggs?You never know where to look when eating a banana.The young couple next door to me have recently made a sex-tape. My ideal body weight is yours on top of mine. ", Little Melissa comes home from first grade and tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies. As we all have met two types of people in our lives; those who enjoy dirty minded jokes and those who claim they dont reallybut are lying. (so cute!) Some have theirs longer than others sometimes depending on where they come from. After all, roses may be red, violets may be blue, but one thing's for surewe've got the all-time greatest Valentine's jokes for you! Valentines cards are meant to help you express how you feel to your partner but what if your feelings arent entirely pure? What did the condom say to the penis? And cringe. As we become older, we find clean jokes less humorous as we have a lot more adult sense of humor: hence we prefer funny short adult jokes that cant make us stop laughing. Roses are red, violets are blue; I sure am glad I swiped right on you. Vector template. All combined it adds up to all the great content you see! What does a farmer give to his partner on Valentines Day? What did the cashew say to the almond to ask it out? Its the purr-fect gift. Si vous ne souhaitez pas que nos partenaires et nousmmes utilisions des cookies et vos donnes personnelles pour ces motifs supplmentaires, cliquez sur Refuser tout. Then I remembered. Give it to me!" she yelled. I find you very attractive. What did the squirrel say to her Valentine? They said it was a date. Well, dont you get tense because we have got you covered with a bunch of dirty jokes to share with your friends and family. What did the baker say to his wife on Valentines Day? Why do skunks love Valentines Day? What did one cappuccino say to their shy crush? That happens every time. Olive you. A collection of funny dirty Valentines jokes! 5. He replied, Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair.What do a good woman and a good bar have in common?Liquor in the front and poker in the back.How did Pinocchio find out he was made of wood?Because his right hand caught on fire.Whats the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?A washing machine doesnt follow me home after I dump a load in it.What do a gay man and an ambulance have in common?They both take it in the back and go whoot whoot.What did the police catch the naked man breaking into Zales?They grabbed him by the jewels.How do you spot a blind guy at a nude beach?Its not hard.The nurse at the sperm bank asked me if Id like to masturbate in the cup. Whats a paper cuts favorite song on Valentines Day? Unfortunately, the florist was sold out of flowers and had only a few stems of feathery ferns. Were like hot chocolate and marshmallows youre hot and I want to be on top of you. Why dont we start with you kissing my Cupids Bow? Nicholas who?Knickerless girls shouldnt climb trees.Knock, knock.Whos there?Fuck you said.Fuck you said who?Me!Knock, knock.Whos there?Amos. What if the theme was filthy and disgusting? One hundred dollars. "Osama Bin Laden," she says. 5. Thats one of the short adult jokes. For stealing her heart. It got caught in my throat and all I ended up with was a stiff neck.It starts with the letter P and ends in O.R.N. Texting short nasty jokes to your partner on occasion might help keep the flame alive in the relationship. A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. It's a time to embrace the fun and funny aspects of life with all of your loved ones, not just your significant other. Youve been voted Most Beautiful Girl In This Room and the grand prize is a night with me!How is being in the military like getting a BJ?The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.I wish you were soap so I could feel you all over me. 20. The Pope and most Catholic bishops rarely use theirs. The cashier asked if Id like a bag.I said no, Ill just turn the lights off.The annoying thing about Christmas is running out of batteries because the kids want them for their toys. Your heart isnt the only one of your organs I want to touch tonight. Why couldn't the mineral water ever get a Valentine? 4. This Heart-Breaking Pun. Im especially responsive when you put your fingers deep inside me. Valentine's Day memes: 60 hilarious memes for Valentine's Day lovers or cynics Valentine's Day 2023: When is the holiday and why do we celebrate it? Fall You look like youre suffering from a lack of vitamin me. Weve got all kinds of funniest dirty minded jokes covering from the nasty dark humor to toilet humor as well. What did one molecule say to the other? 39 best Valentine's Day jokes, and funniest ideas for a card message Prepare to laugh. What message is on candy hearts for cats? Be my valentine, Because I am horny! Can I crash at your place tonight. Lingerie is half-off in stores today, but in my bedroom, its going to be 100% off. Her heart wasn't in it. 28. "Lovebirds.". Can't wait to receive nothing on Valentine's Day! What am I?Their last name.Want to know a proven way a man and woman can be friends without s3x?Marriage. 14. In truth, without a little mischief, especially as children, our lives would be pretty boring. Worry not, because Metro.co.uk has compiled a list of the rudest, tongue-in-cheek-est, blush-inducing jokes for Valentines Day. I have a handrail around the bed.Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?Because like all men, they wont stop to ask directions.Who are the most dangerous farters in the world?Ninjas. Movie Characters Sometimes people l*ck my nuts. ", A man wanted Valentine's Day to be special, so he bought a bottle of absinthe and stopped by the florist's to order a bouquet of his wife's favorite flower: white anemones. "Olive you. "This special Valentines Day gift was chosen because I noticed you are in the habit of not wearing any when we go out in the evenings. I got more sweet treats for you than a Whitmans sampler. Lets tuck in to this set of dirty Valentines jokes that you may find funny. Whats the difference between a $20 steak and a $55 steak? After all, life is nothing more than a huge, nasty joke. organic chemistry. Therefore, we have shared with you a few dirty minded jokes to have a good laugh while no one is watching. My love language is physical touch. Let me show you why. A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. Who always has a date on Valentines Day? More jokes about: love, marriage, mean, money, Valentines day A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. 18. Get a look. 46. I play a major role in the film industry. When You Are Strictly Not In Love. Weve got great chemistry! chemistry memes. Cupid called, he wants his arrow back. What did one prune say to the other after agreeing to grab dinner? Now you have to remove them.Why did the sperm cross the road? ", 8. 14. You make me feel just like a unicorn very wild and horny. What did the pickle say to the other on Valentine's Day? 14. Your email address will not be published. Sense of Humor Waiter: "Do you have reservations?". Because Im trying to go from cacti to cactus. Roger, who was 19 years old, was buying an expensive bracelet, to surprise his girlfriend on Valentine's Day, at a very smart jeweller's shop in Hatton Garden, London. 42. Kid 1: "I don't have a sister.".