I am so frustrated with her attitude and lifestylei do not know what to do anymore! If you have children, list all your parenting responsibilities as well. I really need to retire but now I cant because everyone here depends on my paycheck and my benefits. Or doing whatever chores you want done. Sometimes its due to work shortage but a lot of the time he hates the job and skips days over and over til they finally let him go. Hes 45 years old. So point is ladies, be careful around these types of men. Ive been on disability for the past few months and its the only money i have. I dont go out much and Im just drained. Since I finished school in the skilled trade sector I have been out applying to every contractor in the province. How I felt so sorry for my sister. Hes a nice guy, very sensitive and critical. I feel alone and resentful and frustrated. Get off your as*! Im about to go crazy! He doesn't cook, clean, laundry vacuum. Its just draining on me. I know he looks everyday and I get that he needs support, but its depressing for me as well. Get outside in the fresh air, ride a bike, enjoy a picnic; plan a time where you agree to put aside job worries and focus only on having fun. I am ready to move on and I told him. I have no family or friends to talk to just myself so its nice to be able to vent on here. So betrayed. My parents are starting to hate him and his parents once said to me, well u arent starving. Ive been unemployed since February last year I had a permanent job I was only at two weeks then let go due to business issues.I also worked for handy but they were awful to work for.Dispute my background and experience I find it hard to obtain even the low end jobs.The state of this job market in and around London is ridiculous.Ive completely restructured my cv and seen to be getting more response.I lived in north London last year now settle in barking and struggling to obtain local work as their taken by the over run culture.I am originally from Surrey and cant wait to move back.We only moved here to get on property ladder and it was close to his office which closed later last year now he works from home.My boyfriend has been more then supportive through my ordeal and all though its important for your partner to look after themselves it is vital for both in order to sustain the relationship or marriage. This dip s*** is running you like your his mommy come pick me up, I got fired again, the guys at the company looking out the window seeing numb nuts standing out on the street waiting for a ride form his girl, joke. We have been in a relationship since 2011 (4years) and now I think I am tired of trying to get a better future with him. He then decided to quit work as he was fed up. Jay, Offer what youre proceeding with companions. My partners mom is really disappointed of what happened to me. Chef Ethan Stowell buys a historic Seattle dive bar, 4 steep Seattle stair climbs to get you in shape for WA hiking season, WA volunteer details Colchuck Peak avalanche search-and-rescue effort, How one Ballard newbie became pinballs international rookie of the year, Restaurant review: Itsumono is making some of Seattles best food and great drinks, too. We have now been here 7 months. I write music, I paint, i excersize, I volunteer my extra time, I pay for most datesso one day she says I think we need to talk about you not having a jobits unattractive and I dont know if I can go ondespite the fact that I cant get a proper job because we live and are stuck in south LA, because she doesnt want to leave and be away from her parents! This is how it was in his family. What kind of man doesnt work or look for work then asks his mom for funds??? I have been emotionally and financially supportive, I have lost my family home, I have put up with infidelity (one which culminated with him getting a criminal record which means he stands no chance of getting any job in the current UK economic climate!! Partners, it is indeed time to take care of you. I just had enough! Its very labor intensive and I do need his help. And yeah, I can say that because mines unemployed too, but hes the polar opposite of lazy. He goes on interviews but never gets hired. By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.org'sTerms and Conditions of Use. So naturally, they not only want to prevent that from happening, they want to send your partner away feeling less than and thinking that something must be lacking within themselves to make them not good enough to even be offered the position that they (your partner) thought (and was probably correct) that they would be perfect for. all of these stories are written by WOMEN. I even paid for an online class for him. You are right on the money and can deliver the truth with style and good humor. his father doesnt want him living with him, his brother kicked him out and his mother lives in another state! In hes appling himself and get jobs but its not even exciting to even hear about them anymore .Im just like good you have a job lets see how long you gone keep it. I dont understand why because he is apparently applying for half dozen jobs every week. (A word to the wise: Have the discussion when youre well-rested and have some alone time, not after a long day of putting out fires at work and home. You cant work with dead beats who history is unemployment and living off the girl friend and then demanding sex? I feel stuck and angry. IF he is NOT and is just laying around while YOU work.for YEARS.then something is seriously wrong with his character and you should probably get away as fast as possible. Everything is on me financially and sometimes all household chores and caring for our son, etc. If this is the case, you have a few choices. In the last few months he has threatened to leave a few times and then gone back on what he said and actually moved to a new place with me. I hope this isnt the way he is either. No support from him meant I had to turn down the promotion I wanted and planned on retiring from. She is 27, unemployed and lost her uncle and mother in the last 2 years I am a senior learning and training manager who has spent most of my 15 years working in the college/university sector. It is about. My husband lost his job 2 years ago after his heart operation.Then his health recover after few month. Relationship: Attend couples counseling. This does not go for ALL men. At this juncture, I need financial support from him, but would probably find my endurance to be much better if coupled with emotional support. There were rejections, interviews, and even jobs-in-hand that folded at the last minute thanks to the tanking economy. The impact of male unemployement affects female partners too. He doesnt have a hard time finding jobs. Its been months since they ended it and i cant help but feel that he is only with me for security reasons n not because im the one he really wanted if gave the choice. I feel unsupported and try to talk with my DH many times but he just listens and shows no or little improvement. It is all under your control how y think. And I am wondering whether I should also tell him soon, to go back to his parents place, get himself sorted out and then if he still wants me, to come back and we can move forward. I also feel how you hurt from your relationship. No kids but it seems that there is a hole in me because of that. Include all the household tasks, including cleaning, cooking, ironing, yard work, repairs, grocery shopping, paying bills, etc. And we live in an affluent area on Long Island, which he wouldnt sell our home 6 years ago, instead now its in foreclosure. I have a job and give here like some money that she uses for groceries. My husband has been abusive in the past, but I came back. I envisioned life so differently by my age. Life is worth living sweetheart!!!! He's always done a few jobs around the house, such as putting out the bins and mowing the lawn, but I thought that when he finished work he'd naturally do a lot more of the household chores. What do I do??? Even if you are not certain what you are experiencing is abuse or if you would not call it domestic violence, please consider contacting them, as they can offer help and advice. Dear girl, I doubt itll be the same thing, I swear. I guess I am just over it and want our old lives back. Im glad I didnt listen and continued going on interviews and performing odd jobs for people just to keep busy. If just the other person would have the Great news of getting the job that could bring in extra moneythen our lives would be fine. $30,000? It is not the answer!!! I dont know what to do anymore. There is a whole lot of feelings discussions out there about the impact of joblessness on families, but not much talk about how it can actually endanger the employment status of other family members. I hope everyone continues to hold onto, suicide is not the solution and neither is losing our life to unnecessary stress. You sound like you got your shit together and only want a smooth happy life! Our communication is breaking down, and I am at my wits end to continue providing for this family. Our daughter is due in a week but I dont know how to cope financially. My boyfriend cant handle it hes ready to break up.hes tired of being broke. Well,if you dont, youre going to keel over, for one. We have lost our house because of the inconsistency. When I ask them if theyve had a discussion about the roles each is taking on and how theyll split up the household responsibilities, I almost always get a no.. If I mute or pause the tv to look or listen to whatever gem he has found, I am a monster. Emotional labor. I was once a successful businesswoman and hopefully will be again but right now I really need help and my husband needs to step up to the plate. For me, I am also broken. And start looking.. Im sure his situation is not unique and there are other unemployed people who depend on others to get around either in terms of getting to interviews-work or just for errands and outings. Im tired of being the sole breadwinner. I received an inheritance, rather large, from my grandfather, totally unexpected, about a month prior to hubbys vacation time. I feel like I just read your post but you were talking about me! . i dont know if youll ever see this. And here I continue to stay . Some days I just want to pack him up and move him out. Im tired every day from working 10-12 hours each day sometimes 6-7 days a week to make ends meet and get us what we NEED. I dont know if he will make a good father, if I will ever get back to uni, if he will ever be able to hold down even the simplest of jobs. I do not respect him at all but I do love him. Since they really cant do anything as they have no opportunity to do so, they often end up doing nothing. (Thank you, dear mother in law) Hell owe back-child-support when he finally gets employed. Your sanity and peace of mind should come in second to be able to take care of yourself and your child the best you can. Now if the man of your dreams invites you to move into his home and says you can redecorate, the you might have something. He has only paid for two dates since Ive known him and lived with his parents when we met because he had little to no money. Still no work and as I age, do not see any hope. Working many hours through the week, I cant figure out why he wont move forward. My husband resents that I dont workI have Epstein Barr. I started getting vocal the last 3 years ,, just done and yup that makes me a bitch in his book ,, if I say anything about him not working , keeping work ,, somehow its all my fault for not helping him with resumes and job searches.. i finally realized that my husband has been chronically unemployed, because he has a criminal background, he feels that this is what keeps him from getting a full time job. You may say Man can also be a good child raiser, but they are rare. But for those who are in this situation, understand that the advice to leave and kick him to the curb IS IN FACT the advice you need to follow. Its not a big fat 0. I am 27 and she is 24. He wont do anything. I know if he truly loved me, there would b no chance of another female coming in the picture. Not our relationship but life. He even told me he had a job and that he started monday, and then Sunday came and suddenly he found out he didnt have the job. That was 3 years ago. Finding this site and reading these comments is really helping me. Rather pleasant posting. Validate your husband's feelings. So he gets the credential (after his hard work much to his credit)and he is surprised that the sky doesnt just open with raindrops of jobs. I wouldnt categorize or suggest that youre lazy or unmotivated but you really need to take control of your own life and not depend on or blame others for why you arent getting a job to support yourself. To save yourself, you must be claimed down. Somehow, things got turned around in society during the 60s when the womens lib movement happened. 10 Things You Dont Have to Pay Full Price for This Week. I also dropped out of school so I can make x amount to support us and support making our movie. To top it off, he gets mad at me when i get home from working because I wont cook or do his laundry. I just recently found this website and I must admit reading a lot of the posts really has me astonished that so many people allow this to happen. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. I did some online dating for a week and then later found a wonderful, GIVING man who had his stuff together: steady job, willingness to do what it takes to get things done, and GRIT. Then there was his second wind, his revival. Ive got 2 girls Im supporting. This also leads him to wonder why, as a perfectly capable professional in his field, he cant find work. Its not perfect, but its better than it used to be and most important, it allows room for improvement. Yes I admit, Im extremely bitter over this situation. Once I get home, I have to cook and busy to clean the house and my kids . 3) Tell him how much he means to you and let him know that this experience will only bring your relationship closer together. He can also just volunteer to fill these gaps in employment history. My depression and anxiety didnt get properly treated then and mental health was a taboo subject amongst family and friends. Jon, youre right as well. There were a number of short-term freelance gigs. So I just dont really know what to do anymore. how sad that women have allowed themselves to be pushed so hard against a wall like this. How can she let herself give up when Ive spent the last 6 years carrying her! Instead, I stuff my pride, and in my most polite tone, I tell the preacher-man to stick it. Take a look at the following short lists of self-care ideas that honor these other parts of who you are. Some chronically unemployed people find themselves in hopeless situations. I seem to convince myself to just hold on, make sure he is working good then tell him to go, but it never happens. My husband occasianaly mows the lawn or fixes something in the house but of course that doesn't happen every week. He was so angry with me. One such example was Amelia who explicitly told her husband: "I can't get emotionally involved in anything any more. I can not tell you how angry I was when I would get home from a long day at 7pm, knowing that he slept in, didnt clean the house, didnt do the washing, didnt mow the lawn, left his dirty dishes in the sink, didnt look for a job, didnt do the grocery shopping and then ask ME what I was cooking for dinner? again! Alas, too many major wedding expenses were paid by my parents and me before I realized how bad things had gotten w/ his lack of motivation and CHRONIC laziness, and like a coward, I didnt call of the wedding. X. He became impatient since he got depression and sometime like a stranger to me. Moreover, they must also play the role of. In a respectful, loving way ask for what you want. Somehow, by the grace of God we managed to extend our home to make a home for them. I also have my unemployed daughter, her unemployed husband and my 5 grandchildren living with us. I wont repeat all the things others have said but I definitely and specifically related to the half-cocked job searches, being unemployed myself due to layoff and proving to him how and that its possible to work your ass off, rely on faith AND works and get a new career. My partner has been unemployed for almost a year. So, I am working two jobs, and trying to keep us afloat on $37,000 a year. called police 14 times plus moved again, only to have one last guy that was the strongest of them all. While Im grateful for all the things he does that arent money-related grass-cutting, car maintenance, toilet-fixing, bug-catching, chauffeuring we could be doing so much better on two incomes. As he told himself if I want to be happy, I can no matter what condition.